Forgiveness: The Ongoing Process
By Yvette Gladstone
“Forgive us the wrongs we have done, as we forgive the wrongs that others have done to us.”1 The first time I heard that, my heart hurt, and I felt so ashamed. Why? Because I knew there were folks I hadn’t forgiven. Yet I really wanted God to forgive me for stupid things I’d done that hurt someone else. I even felt rebellious against that statement; that’s why I was ashamed.
I didn’t want God to forgive me the way I forgave others, because I knew I hadn’t forgiven others! But I wanted God to forgive me, because He is merciful, and because I really needed it, and because I was sorry for what I’d done. But others weren’t sorry for what they’d done to me. So that wasn’t fair! Or so I thought.
Squirming in my seat, and in my heart, I told God in prayer that I didn’t feel that was fair. Then He spoke to my heart and said, “It wasn’t fair what they did to Me either,” referencing His death on the cross.
I replied, “I’m so sorry about that. But You are God and You can do the impossible. I’m just a weak woman who does stupid things sometimes.”
He answered, “Well, I made you in My image and likeness, didn’t I? So, you have what it takes within you to do what you need to do. I know, because I gave it to you.”
“Oh … right. Thank You for that. Well, then, You’ll have to be the One within me to forgive them, because I don’t feel strong enough. You are my strength, Lord. So please, You do it through me. Thank You.”
And He’s helped me every time since! Forgiveness is not easy, yet it is possible with His help.
I have discovered that forgiveness is an ongoing process, and the Lord in His love and mercy has given me a few tools to help make it easier for me along the way. Some of the tools are funny, some are profound, and some are just good sense—by looking at things a different way, perhaps the way God sees things.
The funny tool is a sense of humor. The Lord has often brought to mind something funny right at a moment when I could use a good laugh to help me lighten up when I’m getting too serious about a situation. The Bible says, “A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing.”2 Just like the right medicine can help soothe our aches and pains, and speed up our healing from injuries or sickness, so a happy heart—a good sense of humor—can be very helpful to comfort and soothe our hearts and minds when others have hurt us, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
So, when I feel hurt or wounded by something someone did or said, a good laugh has helped me feel better. Then it makes it easier for me to forgive. Not that forgiveness is a funny thing. It’s very serious, and very necessary! Yet the Lord knows I can use all the help I can get.
I’ll give an example:
One time when I was working alongside some new co-workers, I just couldn’t seem to do things the way they liked. I was feeling angry at them and sorry for myself. Alone in prayer, I started to tell the Lord, “Well, if they don’t like me …” Before I could finish my sentence, a still small voice said to my heart, “I’ll eat their French fries!” What?!
That really made me laugh! Because out of the blue I was reminded of an inside joke my former husband (God rest his soul) and I had shared. You see, years ago, when he was first learning Spanish in a Latin country, he and some new friends were having lunch together. As they were finishing, he said to his new friend in broken Spanish, “If you don’t like me, I’ll eat your French fries!” The friend was shocked! Then they laughed, because what he meant to say was, “If you don’t want them, I’ll eat those French fries.”
Anyway, that good laugh helped me lighten up, so I could forgive my new co-workers and stop taking myself so seriously.
Another tool is what I call “10 Things to Forgive.” It comes from this anecdote:
On her golden wedding anniversary, my grandmother revealed the secret of her long and happy marriage. “On my wedding day, I decided to choose ten of my husband’s faults which, for the sake of our marriage, I would overlook,” she explained. A guest asked her to name some of the faults. “To tell the truth,” she replied, “I never did get around to listing them. But whenever my husband did something that made me hopping mad, I would say to myself, ‘Lucky for him that’s one of the ten.’”3
I have extended this to include all other family, friends, and acquaintances.
Another helpful tool comes from remembering a story attributed to Corrie ten Boom, where she talks about forgiveness being like ringing a large church bell. Concerning the difficult emotions that go along with the process of forgiveness—such as resentment, hurt feelings, reliving painful moments over and over, etc.—she says the process of forgiveness is like letting go of the rope that rings that bell. We say we forgive and let it go, yet those bad feelings aren’t gone right away. The bell continues to ring for a time, yet slower and slower, as the sound gets less and less, until eventually it stops altogether.
The full circle of forgiveness may take time to complete, yet it does eventually bring us peace of mind and rest of soul. Thank God!
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