Refraining from Anger (Psalm 37:8)

Treasures

A little-known poet and hymn-writer once wrote:

I spoke a word in anger
To one who was my friend.
Like a knife it cut him deeply,
A wound that was hard to mend…

How many hearts are broken,
How many friends are lost
By some unkind word spoken,
Before we count the cost!

But a word or deed of kindness
Will repay a hundredfold.
For it echoes again in the hearts of men
And carries a joy untold.
—C. A. Lufburrow

How true the saying, “The anger of today is the remorse of tomorrow.” How deeply we regret words spoken in angry impatience, words that we wish we had never said. As Matthew Henry (1662–1714) once wrote, “When anger was in Cain’s heart, murder was not far off.” When we give way to anger, self-control is at an all-time low, reason decreases, and the voice of common sense dissipates.

It was in a sudden burst of anger that Moses killed an Egyptian and had to flee for his life (Exodus 2:11–15). It then took him 40 years of patiently, humbly tending sheep in the wilderness, with time to listen to the voice of God instead of his own impulses, before he was ready for the slow, laborious, patient work of delivering the Hebrews from Egypt.

The Bible has a lot to say about anger and not allowing our actions to be guided by it. The book of Ecclesiastes says, “Do not be hasty in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools” (Ecclesiastes 7:9). In Colossians we are instructed to “put to death” and “put away all anger and rage,” and to “put on, as God’s chosen ones, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience” (Colossians 3:5–12).

While Jesus taught that anger with a brother or sister would lead to judgment (Matthew 5:22), the New Testament also tells us that Jesus was stirred up with righteous indignation on several occasions. In Mark chapter 3, we read that Jesus went into a synagogue of the Jews and found a man there with a withered or shriveled hand. Some of His religious enemies were watching closely to see if He would break their laws by healing this man on the Sabbath.

Jesus ordered the man with the shriveled hand, “Stand up in front of everyone!” He then turned toward the religionists and asked them, “Which is lawful to do on the Sabbath: To do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?”

They were silenced by His question. “And when He had looked around at them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, He said to the man, ‘Stretch out your hand.’ And the man’s hand was completely restored” (Mark 3:1–5). Jesus was angered and grieved at the hypocrisy and the hardness of His accusers’ hearts.

Another time that the Bible says Jesus manifested His displeasure was when the people were bringing little children for Him to touch and bless. But His disciples rebuked and tried to send away those who brought the children. “But when Jesus saw this, He was indignant. And He said to them, ‘Let the little chil­dren come to Me! Do not hinder them, for of such is the kingdom of God’” (Mark 10:13–14).

The crowning example of Jesus’ righteous indignation was when He found the merchants and the money-changers robbing and exploiting the poor in the name of God. He made a whip, stormed into the temple, and drove out the money-changers, overturned their tables, poured out their money, and loudly rebuked them, saying, “You have turned the house of prayer into a den of thieves and robbers!” (Matthew 21:12–13; John 2:14–16).

God’s Word says, “You who love the Lord, hate evil!” (Psalm 97:10), and “The fear of the Lord is hatred of evil” (Proverbs 8:13). If we really love and fear the Lord, we will not sit idly by and remain silent or respond passively to outright evil, wrongdoings, and injustices. The Bible tells us that “God’s wrath is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth” (Romans 1:18).

However, there is a vast difference between God’s wrath and Jesus’ righteous indignation and our human anger, of which the Bible says, “human anger does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:20). Sad to say, we do not usually become angry for such noble reasons as those mentioned above. Often our anger simply results from concern about ourselves, or when we or people we care about have been slighted or mistreated by others, or when we run out of patience and we become frustrat­ed, upset, and angry.

When we realize and recognize that we are becoming angry or upset, it is important to consciously make an effort to keep such emotions under control instead of letting them spill out in uncontrolled actions or words. The Bible says, “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19).

To “be quick to hear” means patient­ly listening and thinking and praying about how to respond, and making a deliberate effort to control anger and express our feelings in a healthy way that will honor God. The Bible says that patience and self-control are fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23), which are important to cultivate in our everyday lives and interactions with others, as the following story told by Billy Graham so aptly illustrates:

Many years ago a clergyman in a poor part of London became burdened for the dockworkers in his parish. Their work was hard, thankless, and poorly paid, and he decided that if he was ever to reach them with the Gospel of Christ he must become one of them. Day after day he dressed like them and stood in line waiting for a job, never telling who he really was. Finally one winter’s day he was hired to help unload a freighter, moving goods in a wheelbarrow from boat to dock along a narrow plank. On one trip he felt the plank rock violently and he lost his footing and fell into the cold river. Laughter rang out, and he realized one of the men had deliberately jiggled the plank to make him fall.

His first impulse was to react in anger (for he had often struggled with his temper)—but almost instantly he sensed the power of the Holy Spirit overcoming his anger and giving him peace. He grinned and joined in their laughter, and to his surprise, the culprit dropped his load and helped him out of the muck. His tormentor-turned-rescuer, taken aback by his calm reaction, began talking with him. Later the man shamefacedly revealed that he had once been a highly respected physician, but alcohol had robbed him of both his profession and his family. The clergyman led him to Christ, and in time the man was reunited with his family and restored to his position. But here is the point: it would never have happened if the Spirit of God hadn’t conquered the clergyman’s temper and replaced it with the gentleness and love of Christ. The Holy Spirit made the difference.—Billy Graham (The Journey)

The Bible also associates anger with a lack of wisdom: “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control” (Pro­verbs 29:11). And “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly” (Proverbs 14:29). It is wise to not give voice to anger when you are upset in your own spirit, but to wait until after you have calmed down. Anger causes mistakes, hurts those we love, and destroys friendships, whereas wisdom exercises self-control. “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11).

Many people have found that redirecting the pent-up energy that their anger has generated helps them to overcome it, such as by exercising, working in the garden, taking a walk, washing the car, organizing the kitchen, etc. This helps them to refocus their attention away from what made them angry in the first place, thus giving them time to cool off, to think and pray about a solution to the problem, and to find constructive ways of dealing with it.

Some people try to ignore the fact that they’re upset, but pent-up, unexpressed anger can be un­healthy and has been medically proven to cause all kinds of problems, ranging from ul­cers to anxiety and depres­sion. It can also lead to bitterness, which can affect our spiritual health and relationship with the Lord, which is why the Apostle Paul taught us to “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander.” Instead, we are to be kind and forgive others “just as God through Christ has forgiven us” (Ephesians 4:31–32).

So if you recognize that you are growing angry with someone, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26). Con­fess your feelings before they get out of control and ask the Lord for His wisdom and His help to replace these feelings with patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23).

Memorize scriptures that speak of patience and faith and putting our trust in God, and how we as Chris­tians should behave toward others. Proverbs 16:32 says, “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that controls his temper than he who conquers a city.” Ask God for His help. He has promised to be our refuge and strength and a very present help in times of trouble, and He never fails (Psalm 46:1)!

Of course, there are times when we are justifiably upset with someone, such as when they purposely wrong or harm us or others. For such cases, Jesus said, “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them” (Luke 17:3–4). “Rebuke,” according to the dictionary, means “to reprove sharply, to reprimand.” Even in the case that this results in broken relationships, we are still called to forgive, as is evident by Jesus’ response to Peter when he asked Him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus responded by saying, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21–22).

So remember that as followers of Christ, “the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others,” and “as you forgive others’ sins, so your heavenly Father will forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14–15). “And as you wish that others should do to you, so do unto them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12). And “love your neighbor as yourself,” for this is God’s Golden Rule (Matthew 22:39–40). “Owe no one anything except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law” (Romans 13:8).

May God help us to be loving, kind, and forgiving, even as Christ has loved and forgiven us!

From an article in Treasures, published by the Family International in 1987. Adapted and republished July 2024. Read by Reuben Ruchevsky.

Ecclesiastes 

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