Overcoming Loneliness

Happier Living Series

The issue

Loneliness has reached epidemic proportions in our world. The World Health Organization (WHO) has warned that social isolation and loneliness are becoming increasingly widespread, and a large body of research shows that these can have a serious impact on physical and mental health and quality of life.¹ It wasn’t intended for people to experience life alone. We were created by God as relational beings, and to live, love, and share our lives together with others. But just being surrounded by people doesn’t necessarily alleviate feelings of loneliness and isolation.

It has been said that being alone and being lonely are not the same. One person can be alone or on their own without feeling lonely, while another person can feel lonely while in a crowded room. Loneliness is an emotion or a state of mind which is brought about by feelings of separation from other people, and a deeply felt sense of isolation.

No matter what the cause of loneliness, the lasting cure for us as Christians will be found in our fellowship with Christ. It starts with our personal relationship with God, who loves us so much that He gave His son for our eternal salvation and so that we could dwell in heaven with Him. And then it expands outward as we obey His second and great command to “love our neighbors as ourselves” (Matthew 22:37–39). As we seek to give and share His love, He has promised to “meet all our needs according to His riches in glory” (Philippians 4:19).

Loneliness and the cure

To every one of us, from time to time, there comes a sense of utter loneliness. Some of the loneliest people in the world are those who are constantly surrounded by others, yet they feel that no one knows or understands the “real me.” They long to share their interests with someone, to find someone who will listen to their problems and sympathize with them.

We may have a lifelong companion or close dear friends who love us well and are loved by us, but even they will never know or understand us completely. Some tears are always shed alone. No other human being can ever enter the deepest recesses of our mind or heart or soul.

Why do we all have this deep craving to be understood by someone? Why this intense longing to have another share our joys and triumphs, sorrows, and defeats? Did God, who made us a living soul, make some mistake in this, His masterpiece—humankind? He made provision for every other hunger of life: bread for the hunger of the body, knowledge for the hunger of the mind, love for the hunger of the heart.

This lack that we feel, this incompleteness, is a need of our soul for God. He knew that when we found human sympathy lacking, we would seek the divine. He knew that this very sense of isolation, of not being understood, would drive us to Him.

God made us for Himself. He desires our love. Not until He Himself fills that inner longing will we ever be truly satisfied. God’s Word says He is a “satisfying portion” (Psalm 107:9; Psalm 73:26). Only He can truly satisfy the longings of our heart.

He who made you is the only One who can fill every part of your life. So when you feel this loneliness, hear the voice of Jesus saying, “Come to Me” (Matthew 11:28). His presence satisfies the lonely soul, and those who walk with Him from day to day will never walk alone.—Virginia Brandt Berg

Overcoming the pain of loneliness

During the first six months after my husband left, I faced the toxicity of loneliness day in and day out. An empty nest, working from home and cold nights alone were taking their toll. … The reality of my aloneness hit me like a punch in the gut—being alone was my permanent new normal. I suddenly felt more excruciatingly isolated than ever before, as if I had been dropped off on another planet and left there to figure out how to survive. All alone with no escape.

Scripture gives plenty of examples of people who shared these same painful feelings and realities. In fact, all of the Psalms point to evidence that even King David felt lonely quite often. Yet his loneliness is exactly what drove him to lean into God.

In Psalm 25:16, King David said, “Turn to me and have mercy, for I am alone and in deep distress,” followed by verses 17–18, which say, “My problems go from bad to worse. Oh, save me from them all! Feel my pain and see my trouble.” This whole passage is a series of pleas for God’s help because David felt oppressed, depressed, troubled, unseen, and deserted by God and others … painfully alone.

But instead of staying upset with God, David’s prayer takes a twist. “In you I take refuge. May integrity and honesty protect me, for I put my hope in you” (Psalm 25:20–21). Despite everything, King David leaned into the Lord in his darkest moments instead of away from Him. Despite how alone he felt, David wanted to connect with God and held on to hope that He was there, even if no one else was.

You see, loneliness can actually be a catalyst to grow our relationship with God rather than stifle it. Loneliness is God’s way of reminding us we were made for a personal relationship with Him, and He placed a deep longing in our hearts only He can satisfy.

Maybe you’re feeling loneliness because of the loss of a spouse from separation, divorce, or even death. Maybe it’s because of an empty nest, an empty spot at the table, the loss of friends. Regardless of the root of our loneliness, we can always trust God is with us. As we lean into Him, we can continue to pray that He will bring the right people into our lives and satisfy our need for human connection as He satisfies our soul’s thirst for Him. …

Connect with God first, and the rest will eventually fall into place. God may not take away the loneliness, but as we put our hope in Him like David did, God will make sure we feel His nearness.—Tracie Miles²

Be a friend

As I was walking home from high school one Friday afternoon, a new kid from my freshman class was half a block ahead of me. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. Only a real nerd would bring all his books home for the weekend, I thought. I had quite a weekend planned myself—parties and a football game with my friends.

A minute later, a few other boys ran at Kyle, knocked his books out of his arms, and tripped him. Kyle tumbled to the ground. His glasses went flying and landed in the grass a short distance from him. As Kyle picked himself up, he looked my way. Even from half a block away, I could see that he was angry, frustrated, and humiliated.

My heart went out to him, so I jogged up to him. By this time he was down on his hands and knees, looking for his glasses. He tried to hide the tears in his eyes, and I tried to act like I hadn’t noticed. I handed him his glasses and said, “Those guys are jerks! They really should get a life!”

Kyle looked at me and said, “Hey, thanks!” He broke out into a big smile—one of those smiles that show real gratitude.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. We decided on different schools, but I knew that we would always be friends. The miles between us would never be a problem.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. On graduation day, when the time came, he stepped up to the podium and cleared his throat. “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your brothers and sisters, maybe a coach ... but mostly your friends. I am here to tell you that true friendship is the best gift you can give anyone. I am going to tell you a true story.”

Then I watched Kyle with disbelief as he told the story of the day we met. He told how he had planned to kill himself over the weekend, and had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn’t have to do it later. That was why he had carried all his stuff home that Friday afternoon. Kyle looked straight at me and gave me a smile. “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”

A gasp went through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. His mom and dad looked over at me with that same grateful smile. Not until that moment had I realized its depth.—Author Unknown

Keys for overcoming loneliness

First, reaffirm that God is an ever-present God in your life. And you can enjoy His companionship anytime that you like. The comfort of God’s presence is a reality to believers.

Second, find like-minded friends. We love and walk with God, but He has created us in such a way that we love and need human companionship.

Finally, we have God’s work to do while here on earth. Keep busy... Find something to do that glorifies your Creator and Savior, and right now is the time to do it!—Pastor Rich Bitterman³

Think about it…

Whatever the cause of loneliness, for the Christian the cure is always the same—the comforting fellowship of Christ. … He is the friend who “sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24), who lays down His life for His friends (John 15:13–15), and who has promised never to leave us or forsake us but to be with us until the end of the age (Matthew 28:20).—Gotquestions.org⁴

Everyone experiences loneliness at some time. It’s a common denominator in the equation of life. It’s also something no one likes to feel, so our natural response is to run from it, avoid it, or deny it by filling our lives with a million distractions. God has a better way… Loneliness is God’s gift that drives us into relationship and enlarges our hearts to love. Without it, we would never marry, engage in friendships, or endure the numerous problems that are a natural part of intimacy.—Shana Schutte⁵

There is someone near you who is lonely. And if you reach out to them, you may be their link to life. You may, just by offering a smile and some conversation and a bright spot in their day, be giving them a reason to live. Don’t hold back just because you think people won’t like it or might feel they don’t need it. They do. And often they will be eternally grateful.—Chloe West

What the Bible says...

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”—Lamentations 3:22–24

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses… Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.—Hebrews 4:15–16

God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.—Ephesians 1:5

Published on Anchor March 2025. Read by John Laurence.

Posted in: audio, comfort, friendship, mission, other author, relationship with the lord

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