Is Gossip Really That Bad?

A compilation

The Hebrew word translated “gossip” in the Old Testament is defined as “one who reveals secrets, one who goes about as a talebearer or scandal-monger.” A gossiper is a person who has privileged information about people and proceeds to reveal that information to those who have no business knowing it. Gossip is distinguished from sharing information in two ways:

1. Intent. Gossipers often have the goal of building themselves up by making others look bad and exalting themselves as some kind of repositories of knowledge.

2. The type of information shared. Gossipers speak of the faults and failings of others, or reveal potentially embarrassing or shameful details regarding the lives of others without their knowledge or approval. Even if they mean no harm, it is still gossip. …

Anyone can engage in gossip simply by repeating something heard in confidence. The book of Proverbs has a long list of verses that cover the dangers of gossip and the potential hurt that results from it. “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.”¹

The Bible tells us that “a perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.”² Many a friendship has been ruined over a misunderstanding that started with gossip. Those who engage in this behavior do nothing but stir up trouble and cause anger, bitterness, and pain among friends. … And when such people are confronted, they deny the allegations and answer with excuses and rationalizations. Rather than admit wrongdoing, they blame someone else or attempt to minimize the seriousness of the sin.

“A fool’s mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul. The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts.” Those who guard their tongues keep themselves from calamity.³ So we must guard our tongues and refrain from the sinful act of gossip. If we surrender our natural desires to the Lord, He will help us to remain righteous.—From gotquestions.org⁴

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Gossip is a sneaky habit. Gossip can make us feel good about ourselves because it puts others down. It can also make us feel good because it makes us appear as if we know more information than the next guy. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, and it’s so easy to fall into. I figure most of us can remember gossiping about others at some time—even if we didn’t intend to.

So what’s the big deal? Why is gossip so bad?

For starters, gossip can majorly mess up friendships. Proverbs 16:28 says that “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.”⁵ When you talk negatively about others, you tend to look down on them—it causes you to lose respect for them. And when you know that a rumor is going around about you, it can severely damage your relations with others.

Gossip also destroys trust. Have you ever shared something with a friend in confidence, only to have that information become common knowledge? I’d guess that was the last time you confided in that friend.

Remember, the person who gossips to you likely also gossips about you. I sat chatting with a friend once where the entire conversation revolved around others and their issues. I heard about one person after the next, as this friend aired everyone’s personal information. Suddenly I started to wonder what this friend was saying about me when I wasn’t around. Needless to say, I was very careful about what I shared with her from then on.

Proverbs 11:13 tells us that “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.”⁶ If you’re known as a gossip, people won’t trust you with much because they know it’s only a matter of time before you share it with others.

Gossip is also often untrue—or at best, it’s a misrepresentation of the truth. Most folks wouldn’t intentionally go around spreading lies about others; but when a juicy story comes in from a “reliable source,” we don’t think it hurts to pass it on.

Proverbs 15:4 says that “a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.” Spreading negative stories about others is hurtful in more ways than one. It hurts our own integrity as we go around spreading questionable stories. It hurts those who hear the rumor, as they come to misinformed conclusions based on an iffy story. And most of all, it hurts the person being gossiped about, as they have no way to defend themselves as the rumor is spread far and wide.

However, gossip is not only spreading false stories about others, but it includes sharing factual tidbits about others’ lives, details that just aren’t our place to be talking about—things like why so-and-so broke up with so-and-so, or that such-and-such a friend gained this much weight over spring break, or whatever. You see, the point is that whether the stories are true or false, all gossip can be hurtful or embarrassing to the one being talked about.

The good news is, gossip can be stopped! And you can stop it! Proverbs 26:20 says, “Where there’s no wood, the fire goes out: and without gossip, a quarrel dies down.”

In heavily forested areas, clearings are sometimes created to contain the spread of a wildfire. This is to prevent the fire raging out of control and destroying an even larger area. Once the fire reaches the gap, there’s nowhere else for it to go, and eventually it dies out.

You can be the spot where the gossip stops. A fire will go out if it runs out of fuel, and a rumor will die if people quit passing it along. When someone comes to you with a bit of gossip, you can make the choice to not pass it on.—Marie Story

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We tend to think of gossip as one of those “little” sins. But when God talks about gossip, he puts it on the list with things like sexual immorality and murder. Why? Because it is so destructive to relationships. Gossip can tear apart friendships, families, and churches.

Gossip is talking about a situation with somebody who is neither a part of the solution nor a part of the problem. If we’re honest with ourselves, what we’re doing is making ourselves feel a little more important at somebody else’s expense. We’re talking about their hurts and their problems to make us feel like we’re morally superior to them. That’s the danger and the hurt of gossip.—Rick Warren

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Pastor Scott Sauls from Nashville spent five years working with Pastor Tim Keller at New York City’s Redeemer Presbyterian Church. Sauls writes that there are many ways that he saw Keller model the gospel, but there is one thing that really stood out to him. Sauls writes:

Tim [Keller] is the best example I have ever seen of someone who consistently [models] the gospel. Never once did I see Tim tearing another person down to their face, on the Internet, or through gossip. Instead, he seemed to assume the good in people. He talked about how being forgiven and affirmed by Jesus frees us for this—for “catching people doing good” instead of looking for things to criticize or be offended by. Even when someone had done wrong or been in error, Tim would respond with humble restraint and self-reflection instead of venting negativity and criticism. As the grace of God does, he covered people’s flaws and sins. Sometimes he covered my flaws and sins. He did this because that’s what grace does; it reminds us that in Jesus we are shielded and protected from the worst things about ourselves. Because Jesus shields us like this, we should of all people be zealous to restore reputations versus destroying reputations, to protect a good name versus calling someone a name, to shut down gossip versus feeding gossip, to restore broken relationships versus begrudging broken people.—Scott Sauls⁷

Published on Anchor January 2019. Read by Reuben Ruchevsky.

Posted in: audio, communication, compilation, friendship, integrity

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