Being a Friend
A compilation
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A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.—Proverbs 17:171
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Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.—1 Thessalonians 5:112
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[A] suggestion from Saint Paul’s longing is that the very heart of true Christian friendship is helpfulness. We begin to be like Christ only when we begin to desire to do others good. The world’s ideal is, “Every man for himself,” but Christ set a new standard for His followers. We are to look upon every one we meet with the question in our hearts, “What can I do for this man? How can I serve him? In what way can I do him good, help him, comfort him, and strengthen him?” We are always to hold ourselves ready to show the kindness of love to every human being that crosses our path. He may not need us—but then he may—and if he does, we must not fail to give him the help he needs.
We do not know how many of those whom we meet any day do need us. There may be none of the great crying needs which kindle compassion in all human breasts. We may go for years and come upon no one lying wounded by the wayside. But there are needs just as real as these, and perhaps quite as tragic. There are hearts that are discouraged, needing cheer, that they faint not. There are people who are tempted, wavering, and ready to fall. There are those who are carrying a burden of sorrow, crying out for comfort. There are those who are hungry for love.
There are always opportunities for helping, and the world needs nothing more than men and women who are ready to respond to each call for love’s gentle ministry. … Is it higher thought of friendship that most of us put into our conception of what belongs to the mission of friendship? We should not forget that if we are Christians, we represent Christ in this world. He would reach other lives through us. He would pour His grace into other hearts through our hearts. In all this world there is no other privilege more sacred than that of being a friend to another person. When God sends us someone in this holy way, we should lift up our hearts in reverent and grateful recognition of the honor conferred upon us. We should think also of the responsibility which this trust puts upon us. We stand in Christ’s place to the life that looks to us in love and confidence and waits for the help we are to bring, the comfort we are to minister, the blessing we are to impart. One speaks thus to a friend whom God had sent:
“God never loved me in so sweet a way before;
’Tis He alone who can such blessings send;
And when His love would new expression find,
He brought thee to me and said, ‘Behold a friend!”
But if you are the friend thus sent from God to another, think what it will mean to fill the sacred place. What are you going to be as a friend to the one who looks to you with hungry heart for strength, for encouragement, for inspiration, for help? What have you to give that will make life the richer? What touches of beauty are you going to put upon the soul that is nestling in the shadow of your friendship?—J. R. Miller3
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What is a friendship but a relationship? Good relationships make life worth living, for it is through relationships that we grow as people, learn to trust and love, and become who we were always meant to be. That’s why a key element of being a leader as a friend is building relationships.
How, then, do you begin building great relationships so that you can lead as a friend?
The first thing I’d suggest is to learn to be an encourager. Think about the last time someone complimented you on something. Didn’t you turn it over and over in your mind, savoring the words?
Sure. Encouragement encourages!
Think about how you feel when people say things like this to you:
- “That was fantastic. You did a great job.”
- “Man, I could never do something like that. You’re the best.”
- “Thanks for helping out. You made things go smoothly.”
- “You know, I think you’ve improved at that a hundred percent.”
Don’t such words make you feel worthwhile? You can be an encourager simply by letting those compliments hang out everywhere.
Encouragement is simple. Just think of something good, uplifting, or helpful to say. And then say it.—John C. Maxwell with Mark Littleton4
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Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.—Ecclesiastes 4:9–125
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Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.—Proverbs 27:176
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The Lord is leading us more and more into the type of relational witnessing where both parties have something to give and both parties are receiving. This takes building a relationship of trust, of friendship, if you will, where you each have something valuable to offer the other. It’s a relationship built more on the principle of, “Let’s each of us help the other with what we need. Just as you give to me, I want to give to you. I want to learn from you, and if I’m a good friend to you, you may want to learn from me too."
In some ways, interacting warmly and lovingly with people is our natural bent. In our life for the Lord and service to Him we have learned that He wants us to give of ourselves. However, truly caring for others takes time and effort, prayer, and continued interest. Time is precious, and when we show our willingness to take our time and expend it on another person, it can have a profound impact—whether you put your time into prayer, or getting a message from the Lord, or writing a recommendation for them, or thinking about what kind of appreciation you can offer, or what you can do to help the person in practical ways that they need and appreciate. Whatever the Lord might show you to do, it will not go unnoticed.—Maria Fontaine7
Published on Anchor October 2013. Read by Jerry Paladino.
Music by Michael Dooley.
1 ESV.
2 ESV.
3 The Lesson of Love (London: Hodder & Stoughton, 1903).
4 Leading as a Friend (Nashville, TN: Tommy Nelson, 2001).
5 ESV.
6 ESV.
7 Originally published June 2012.
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