Relations with Others
Happier Living Series
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The issue
Life is all about relationship-building. Throughout life, we enter into relationships with people on many different levels, as sons and daughters, friends, neighbors, parents, co-workers, clients, counselors, and more. For Christians, the starting point for relationship-building is the understanding that every person has been created in the image of God and is worthy of dignity and respect. Our duty and calling is to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:31) regardless of ethnicity, gender, creed, nationality, or social status.
When Jesus was asked “Who is my neighbor,” His reply was to tell the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25–37). In this parable, the responses of people to a man in need are compared, and Jesus closes the story by asking, “So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?” The response was: “The one who showed him mercy.” Jesus then said, “You go, and do likewise” (Luke 10:36–37).
This raises a question for us to consider: How do we see others? Do we view them as the “other” to ignore or pass by? Do we view them critically, making note of seeming defects, failings, or lacks, or do we see the goodness and wonder of God’s creation in people? How we treat people and our ability to share God’s love with them starts with the way we see them.
If we genuinely care about others, we need to show our concern and appreciation for them. We need to approach people with the understanding that every person has a story and burdens they are carrying and struggles they face.
Be kind. Every person you meet is fighting a difficult battle.
The starting point for building relations
Learning to communicate well with others and build relations starts with our relationship and communication with God.
In today’s ever-changing and increasingly complex and fast-paced interconnected world, more and more people find themselves caught up in the frenzied rush to become successful or make ends meet financially. They often have little time to ponder seemingly abstract matters such as the meaning of life or the eternal destiny of their own souls.
But as the years pass, people often find that the pressures of life and trying to meet all their commitments have filled them with stress and anxiety, not peace or satisfaction. Their private lives often suffer as a result, as they’re unable to find enough time to spend with family or friends or develop lasting relationships.
When a personal crisis or tragedy strikes—an unexpected accident or critical illness, a death in the family, a great personal loss of any kind—all the achievements and goods of this world can do little to bring or restore hope. It is during such times that people frequently realize that the true values of life—love, purpose, and eternal destiny—are what ultimately matter.
The Bible tells us that God is a loving Father who loves each human being uniquely. God is not some faraway uninterested being. He is a God who is personal, who has a relationship with His creation. He is interested in each one of us as individuals.
As Christians, He in turn has called us to reach out to others with His love, to communicate, to build loving relations, and to show that we care about them and that God loves them.—Activated
Who is our neighbor?
Our neighbor is anyone in our proximity with whom we can share God’s love. We are called not only to love those who are similar to us or with whom we are comfortable, but all whom God places in our path. In fact, Jesus said, “I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:44–48). God shows love to all people (John 3:16–18; 2 Peter 3:9). As His children (John 1:12), we are called to do the same.—GotQuestions.org1
Keys to improving relationships
Do you want to know the key to better relationships in life? You must learn to serve.
The root of most relational problems is self-centeredness. You must deal with other issues, but the root is almost always self-centeredness. We want what we want, when we want it. Neither person will budge—and that causes conflict.
That’s why you need to step out of your own perspective and learn to serve others. Serving other people changes you, and it changes your relationships along the way.
One of God’s greatest lessons he wants you to learn while you’re on this planet is how to be unselfish. It’s a lifelong course of study… You can learn to be unselfish. How? It’s simple, really: You copy Jesus. Jesus says it like this: “Your attitude must be like my own, for I, the Messiah, did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give my life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28).
Next time you read about the life of Jesus in the Bible, notice how he dealt with others. Watch how he always put others before himself. When you imitate his attitude, you live your life not for your benefit but for the benefit of others. Jesus consistently showed this throughout the Gospels. …
The Bible says of serving unselfishly, “If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God, and others will approve of you, too” (Romans 14:18).—Rick Warren2
A list of the most important words for our communications with others
The six most important words: “I admit I made a mistake.”
The five most important words: “You did a good job” or “I am proud of you!”
The four most important words: “What is your opinion?”
The three most important words: “I love you!”
The two most important words: “Thank you!”
The most important word: “We”
The least important word: “I”—Author unknown
Be generous with praise, cautious with criticism.
Keys for communicating with others
Some people are brought up from childhood to believe that it’s a sign of weakness to show your emotions, or to talk too much about your feelings. Consequently, they have never developed the ability to have meaningful conversations with another person or to share openly with someone else.
Others may be fearful of exposing what they feel or think. They do not want to run the risk of being rejected or hurt if someone else disagrees with them. Some people do not believe that they, as a person, have much to offer or that their ideas are worthwhile. They have a low opinion of themselves, and as a result, they withhold their comments and personal feelings.
Reservations and fears such as these can hinder our communications with others and prevent us from moving to deeper, more meaningful levels. If you’re interested in reaching people and you love them and want to show them that you care, it’s important to do your part to help them to communicate. “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out” (Proverbs 20:5).
One way to do this is to gently probe and invite people to share by asking them questions that show an interest in them and that you care about them. Then listen to what they share and consider how you can show them that you understand and that how they feel and think matters. When it is difficult, remind yourself that as a unique creation of God, each person is invaluable and matters so much to God that He gave His only son for their salvation and reconciliation (John 3:16).
Oftenit helps people just to talk about the things they’re experiencing, even if there isn’t an obvious solution to the problem or issue. As Christians, we can also offer to pray with people for them and about the issues that concern them. “First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people. ... This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior” (1 Timothy 2:1–4).—Treasures
Think about it…
Four of the Ten Commandments deal with our relationship to God while the other six deal with our relationships with people. But all ten are about relationships.—Rick Warren
If we are to love our neighbors, before doing anything else we must see our neighbors. With our imagination as well as our eyes—that is to say, like artists—we must see not just their faces but the life behind and within their faces. Here it is love that is the frame we see them in.—Frederick Buechner
Just remember the world is not a playground but a schoolroom. Life is not a holiday but an education. One eternal lesson for us all: to teach us how better we should love.—Barbara Jordan
What the Bible says...
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up.—1 Thessalonians 5:11
Serve one another in love. For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”—Galatians 5:13–14
Remind the people … to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.—Titus 3:1–2
Published on Anchor April 2025. Read by John Laurence.
1 “Who is my neighbor, biblically speaking?” GotQuestions, https://www.gotquestions.org/who-is-my-neighbor.html
2 Rick Warren, “The Key to Improving Your Relationships,” PastorRick.com, November 12, 2019, https://pastorrick.com/the-key-to-improving-your-relationships/
