August 30, 2023
Does every cloud really have a silver lining? I questioned.
To paint the picture, I will have to step back in time, when during a school physical examination I was diagnosed with scoliosis of the spine at the age of nine. Both my parents and I were not aware of this condition as it wasn’t very noticeable, but from the time I was diagnosed, the word “scoliosis” took on a profound and threatening reality. One that would stay with me my entire life.
All throughout my teenage years, the scoliosis kept worsening until my backbone took on the shape of an S, which affected my posture and developed into a hump on one side of my back. In those days, the usual course of action was a surgery, where they would place rods along the spine to stabilize it. This procedure wasn’t without risk, and my parents decided against moving forward with it. In an effort to slow down the worsening of my condition, I was prescribed regular sessions of physiotherapy and I wore a cumbersome plastic brace.
The prospect of having children with my kind of scoliosis was not promising. I was told that pregnancy would put too much strain on my back, especially if the scoliosis continued to progress. My teenage years were filled with regrets and anxiety, as well as a bleak outlook regarding my future.
My dream of becoming an air hostess was shattered due to my health, and the nursing college I enrolled in was cut short, as the job at the hospital proved to be too strenuous.
By the time the seventies came around, the blossoming hippie era spread like wildfire throughout Europe, and our village was not left behind. My physical condition and my defiance against its grim prospects became the starting point of my vulnerability to rebellion.
All around me, I saw signs of a new style of life—freedoms, long hair, bohemian fashions, protests, and an invigorating liberalism. These concepts had an immediate appeal for me and fed a sense of recklessness, since I felt that I had been dealt a bad stack of cards. I became increasingly disillusioned, and drugs offered an escape and welcome recreation away from judgement and criticism. An intriguing new world beckoned me, ready to be discovered.
Then I met my soul mate and together we went on a journey in search of our destiny that took us over 20,000 kilometres, through parts of Europe, the Middle East, and onward. We trudged along many dusty paths on a purposeful pilgrimage of peace and purpose, a journey that often led me to the edge and at the end left me empty.
However, God had a plan for me, and He was about to mend all these broken pieces of my life when He led me across the path of a group of young missionaries way out in a small town in North India. After I received Jesus as my Savior, I decided to give my life in service to those in need. I joined the mission, which was a turning point in my life for the better. I was hoping that my newfound faith in God would help me to receive the healing I so desperately wanted. I repeatedly prayed for complete healing, hoping that one day I would wake up with my spine straightened, like some of the miraculous healings I had read about in the Bible. I was impatient to receive this blessing, and only later I started to realize that God had other plans for me. Namely, a step-by-step journey to learn valuable lessons of patience, thankfulness, and endurance, as well as empathy for those who suffer chronic illnesses.
Even though the scoliosis stopped progressing, still, it left me with a very crooked back, which was distressing, awkward, tiring, and painful. However, against all odds, I was able to bear seven children, all with natural deliveries, which was truly a miracle in my condition.
With time, I learned to manage my back problem with the help of specific exercises, occasional painkillers, and massages, but just recently, I encountered a setback that left me devastated.
I fell and severely injured my back. I could hardly walk or swim or do my usual exercise routine; in short, I could barely cope. A visit to a chiropractor confirmed that I had a soft tissue injury and that something in my back got dislocated. The treatment was painful and initially didn’t bring any relief, which left me no choice but to take daily pain medication. I was desperate. My physiotherapist kept telling me that I needed patience and that the healing process would take time.
Time it took, and my patience was really tested during the six weeks before I started to feel better. There were days when I was tempted to give in to frustration, pain, and discouragement, but I learned to push through all these negative emotions through prayer and claiming God’s promises in His Word. Having to slow down gave me time to reflect and to tweak my mode of operation—to learn to rely more on the Lord to work on my behalf, instead of relying so heavily on my own strength, which I’m prone to do.
My journey with chronic illness has been a growing process to make me a better vessel, more fit for the Master’s use! Looking back, I now see that each of my dark clouds did have a silver lining after all and that God saw fit to bring me through every test and challenge of living with a chronic health condition. Even though I have not received total healing, I am thankful for all the lessons and the treasures I’ve discovered along the way, which, had things been different, I might never have found.
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“We can choose to become bitter about our illness, or we can choose to use it as a catalyst for growth. We can choose to focus on what we cannot do, or we can look for opportunities to use the abilities we have to honor God. We can choose to believe that the most significant seasons of our lives are past, or we can choose to believe God’s Word‚ that He delights in using the weak to confound the wise and that His power is made perfect in our weakness.”—Mary J. Yerkes
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”—Romans 5:3–5
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”—2 Corinthians 12:9
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